Transformers: Dark of the Moon - "This movie was FANTASTIC!"

(Originally written 4.7.2011 for TV tropes.)
At least that's what the guy who sat behind me in the cinema said when he stood up to leave, in between loudly singing along with the lyrics of the Linkin Park song in the credits. His behavior reminded me of MovieBob saying that Michael Bay makes movies "by douchebags, for douchebags".

So, how's Transformers 3 in my opinion? It's the same old shit as the two first ones. Maybe a little better than either of those, but only because the studio twisted Bay's arm and made him remove the most controversial elements. No more rutting dogs, no more robo-testicles and no more blackface-bots. Instead, as if it was some sort of game, Bay has fit in new annoyances to piss off his haters, such as a "wacky" scene where Sam gets sexually assaulted by a co-worker and his boss thinks they're having bathroom sex, and a subplot where he gets a competitor for his new girlfriend's affections.

The first act of the movie plays like it's two entirely different films spliced together. It takes forever for the robot plot and Sam's plot to meet at all, and even then, it's like the script keeps inventing excuses to keep Sam locked out of the main plot of his own movie.

The climax is much better than Revenge's horrific clusterfuck. Instead of having a backdrop-battle with the characters running through it, the action flows from scene to scene, with new locations and enemies distinct from each other. The cinematography in action scenes is still confusing and hectic, but I guess I've gotten used to it by now, since it didn't piss me off much.

The story makes no sense, and the villains' motivations don't match in any way to the previous movies. It's kinda funny in a sad way, especially since I kept coming up with new plot holes for hours after exiting the cinema.

Leonard Nimoy as Sentinel Prime has a refreshing feel of class in a lowbrow movie like this, though the lines he's given are mostly clichéd and boring. Likewise, John Malkovich as Sam's new boss is funny in a crazy kind of way, though his character is written as an annoying dickhead.

I probably won't see this movie ever again. It was worth seeing once, I guess, and I'll admit I was entertained for roughly two thirds of the film. As is the case in all but two films I've ever seen, the 3D is worthless and you're better off saving that money and spending it on something else.